A Guy Named Rich
by OneSizeFitsAll
Summary: When huge armies of orcs and chitauri start entering the galaxy through a mysterious portal, the jedi council knows they need gather their own army...from other fandoms. But to gather such an army requires movie switching and a bi-polar almost-not-quite-an-OC. (Please don't run.) Star Wars/Hobbit/LOTR/Avengers universes, plus a few references to other films thrown in.
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

**Prologue**

Thorin hesitated. Elves were bad enough, but _this_ elf? Why did it have to be him? The one person he would never... _could_ never... fully trust.

Could a person be redeemed after sinking into the deepest pit of sin? Could a person be evil at one time, and good and honorable at another? Could a person return to the light after plunging so deep into the darkness?

What if one couldn't? What if he hadn't? Was Thorin willing to risk himself and his quest on the threadbare hope that the one he had the most reason to distrust would not betray him?

Could a person be redeemed? That was the ultimate question on which Thorin was banking his life. Could a person fight his way up through the gripping darkness...the darkness that sapped all strength, all goodness, all courage out of a man...and return once more to the light?

If the answer was no to that all-important question... what hope was there for him? What hope for Thorin Oakenshield, who knew the darkness as well as any fish knows the water?

Could a person be redeemed?

And if not, what then?

Slowly, Thorin held out the map.


	2. Chapter 2: The First of Many Councils

_Author's Note: Hi again! One thing: I know Rich's name is very lame. Sorry. That's what happens when certain people are never referred to by name in a movie. And no, he's not an OC. Just very close._

_Oh, and I forgot to mention in my first chapter (because I forgot to put in an author's note), but many thanks to my awesome beta reader, JoMiSm._

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**Chapter 1: The First of Many Councils**

Rich Armymarcher could never quite remember how he found himself at the Jedi temple. He remembered a strange ringing in his head and a grating voice that spoke with atrocious grammar. He remembered travelling on a starship with Queen Amidala. But how, and why (especially why) he eventually was standing before the Jedi council at Padme's side, he could never recall.

"Grave danger I sense," said Yoda impressively, leaning his chin on his stick and wrinkling his forehead meditatively.

"Let me explain what is going on." said Mace Windu, leaning forward in his chair. "The Council has become aware of a recently opened portal in the middle of the galaxy. We have been keeping an eye on it and have observed huge armies entering through it. It would seem that Dooku is at the bottom of it, as usual. As the armies enter, he ships them off... we're not sure where to."

"Why hasn't the portal been closed?" asked Padme.

"All in our power has been done," said Mace. "We can't seem to close it. We'll keep trying, of course, but as of yet, we have had no success."

"What's the problem?" asked Rich. "Why can't it be closed?"

"It was generated by the Force. The Force is an inexhaustible energy supply and you can't shut it down."

"What do we do?" asked Padme.

"We get ready."

"How?" asked Rich.

Mace shifted in his seat. "That's where we three come in." he said.

"We _three_?" asked Padme.

"You, Armymarcher, and I." said Mace. "Our spies have been sent to find out why these armies are here. They discovered where these armies are coming from."

"You want us to travel to that galaxy and close down the portal from the other side?" asked Padme.

"Unfortunately, it's not that simple. If it was, we wouldn't have chosen you."

Rich was unsure whether to take this as a compliment or not.

Mace continued. "These armies don't come from a different galaxy..."

"A different universe?" asked Padme, awe in her voice.

"No," said Mace. "A different fandom."

"A different fandom?!" The murmur went round the room and every Jedi master shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Two different fandoms, to be exact." continued Mace. "They are coming from the Hobbit and Avengers fandoms."

"So...you want us to enter those fandoms through movie switching and close it down from both of those sides?" asked Padme.

"Not quite. In all likelihood, we can't shut them down either. We can't be sure, but we suspect that the portal was opened on those sides by the Arkenstone and the Tesseract. Someone used them to open this portal on purpose. We're almost certain it was Loki, with help from Dooku, or Saruman as he is called there. After that mistake in the Avengers, I'm inclined to believe Loki would be more careful than to allow a possibility of closing the portal. If there is any possibility, it would take someone who is extremely knowledgeable in science to find it."

"So what do you want us for?" asked Rich.

"We still need movie switchers, just not for closing the portal. We need an army. The forces we have will do nothing to stop the huge armies that are coming in, should they intend to do us harm, which we are all but certain they do."

"What are these armies like?" asked Padme.

"Like nothing you've ever seen. They're made up of Orcs and Chitauri, and there are hundreds of them coming in every day. Millions have already entered...and as I said, we're not sure where they went."

"How are we supposed to defend ourselves against so great a number?" asked Rich.

"As I said, we have to gather an army to deal with them. There aren't enough soldiers in the galaxy to make up such an army. We have to gather them from other fandoms. Queen Amidala, between you switching into Thor and me switching into Avengers, we should be able to round up a team of supporters who will help us out. Not a very big team, but a strong and courageous one. Armymarcher, the greater burden falls upon you. Other than Count Dooku, you are the only person we could find who could switch into Hobbit... or even Lord of the Rings. You alone can persuade the Middle Earthians to help us. And, if you succeed, we will have a powerful army."

"But..." said Rich, caught off guard, "I'm nobody! I only appear in one scene in Star Wars, as far as I know, and though I had one line, I think it got cut out of the movie! Why would they listen to me?"

"In their world, you are Thorin Oakenshield. They will listen. You must at least try. You are our only hope... and it's a miracle we even found you." Mace gave him a steady look, bordering on a glare, then looked at Padme in the same way. "Are you two willing to help us?"

"Yes." said Padme.

"But what good will it do?" asked Rich. "If the portal remains open, they'll just keep sending more forces."

Mace did glare at him now. "The Jedi will concern themselves with finding a way to close the portal. We ask you to concern yourself with gathering an army to defend your galaxy. Are you going to help us?"

"Yes." replied Rich reluctantly.


	3. Chapter 3: A Council at Bagend

_Author's note: Thanks to all reviewed! And, as always, much thanks to my awesome beta, _**_JoMiSm_**_._

**Chapter 2: A Council At Bag End**

The gentle, crackling fire was burning low in the grate. Thorin stared silently at the glowing embers as he pulled on his pipe. The other dwarves were asleep, slumped in various attitudes on the floor and furniture, and most of them were snoring loudly.

Gandalf gingerly (for an old man) made his way through the jumbled maze of bodies and into an armchair next to Thorin.

"So," said Gandalf as he lit his pipe, "What was it you wanted to speak to me about, other than your mission to the Lonely Mountain?"

"I need your help." said Thorin softly, his eyes flicking to Gandalf's face, his head never moving.

"I thought I had already given it."

"Not with our quest," said Thorin. "With something completely unrelated."

Gandalf took his time, blowing a large smoke ring before responding. "Please elaborate." he said at last.

"I need an army." Thorin said frankly.

"I'm afraid I don't quite qualify as that."

"No, but you can help me get one."

"I'm not sure of that, but I might be persuaded to try. What do you need it for?" Gandalf asked.

"Armies are invading the Star Wars fandom. The Jedi need our help... they can not battle these forces alone." Thorin said, his tone grave.

"We have never become involved in the affairs of other fandoms," said Gandalf, blowing another smoke ring. "Why should we now?"

"You may not have become involved in other fandoms, but the same cannot be said of others. These armies are made up of orcs."

Gandalf started visibly. "Impossible!" he cried.

"Perhaps, but true nevertheless."

"Who would do such a thing? The Necromancer?" Gandalf wondered aloud.

"The Necromancer?" asked Thorin, confused.

Gandalf clapped a hand over his mouth. "I didn't say that!" he said. "You never heard it! Forget about it!"

"Who is the Necromancer?"

"You're not supposed to know about that yet! Where did you hear about him? Just silly rumors. Go on... Do you know who's behind all this?"

"Uhmm...whatever," said Thorin doubtfully. "Saruman," he continued. "Saruman is the one who's doing this."

Gandalf started even more visibly... I mean, violently... than before. "Nonsense!" he said. "Impossible!"

He stood up and paced the floor. That is, he _tried _to pace the floor until he realized that he couldn't go five steps before tripping over a snoring dwarf. He then sat down again.

"Saruman cannot be evil! We trusted him implicitly! We ignored him, yes, but we trusted him."

"Then it is good that I told you of his treachery before he took advantage of your trust." Thorin replied.

"Ha!" laughed Gandalf, his tone and countenance completely devoid of mirth. "What more could he have gotten from 'taking advantage of our trust'? He already has all the power he could possibly gain."

"Not all the power. He doesn't just want power over Middle Earth. He wants to control every fandom. Star Wars is his starting point...the main hub of all fandoms. If we fail to stop him here, he will have all the world... every world...in his power." Thorin leaned forward in his chair and whispered (for no apparent reason) impressively in true movie style: "Gandalf, we must help them."

"But we can't! Don't you see? Saruman is head of the White Council. He has his finger in every pie. We can do nothing without his approval."

"Then don't tell him." Thorin said simply.

"What?!" Gandalf was appalled at the idea.

"Don't tell him." repeated Thorin. "If he doesn't know, he cannot stop us."

"Perhaps not, but if you think you and I are powerful enough to gather an army and march them to Star Wars all by ourselves, you are very much mistaken."

"So Saruman is the only powerful personage in Middle Earth?"

"Why..." began Gandalf. His voice trailed off and his eyes widened. "Galadriel?" he whispered.

"She listens to you." replied Thorin. "You can convince her."

"No, actually, I can't... I can only relate the facts to her and hope she draws the same conclusions from them that I do."

"Are you going to relate the facts, then?" Thorin asked.

Gandalf sighed heavily. "I suppose I must. There is too much at risk if I do not."

"I agree. We cannot leave Star Wars to such a destiny, despite the fact that its cheesiness makes it deserving of this fate."

"I don't care two pins about Star Wars!" shouted Gandalf unexpectedly, though none of the heavily-sleeping dwarves stirred. "I only care that the enemy has infiltrated our top secret councils!" He got quieter. "Not that it matters much," he continued, more to reassure himself than Thorin. "Galadriel and I only ever said anything of importance in our heads to each other, so Saruman couldn't hear us anyhow."

"But you can't just let him destroy Star Wars!"

"That is for Galadriel to decide. I'll do whatever she thinks is best. I will speak to her on this subject at our next council. Until then, I can give you no assurance of our help. And I am now turning in for the night."

He rose and shuffled off, leaving a very discontented Thorin staring into the hearth as the last glowing embers faded to a dusty black.

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_Author's Note: Hey guys! *waves frantically to catch your attention* I'm starving for reviews here! PLEASE REVIEW! Thanks!_

_Oh, and I hope you enjoy the new cover image. XD Which dwarf do you like better? Fili, or Kili?_


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